Wish You All A Happy 'Every Day' by Ironic Iyengar
Disclaimer: This article of writing is not to be taken seriously, just like Mr Ironic Iyengar. The author has been forced to write this under the pseudonym of Ironic Iyengar because the real Iyengar is an insufferable relative who threatens to embarrass the author in the next family get-together if he did not publish this on International Men’s Day, 19th November 2019
Disclaimer: This article of writing is not to be taken seriously, just like Mr Ironic Iyengar. The author has been forced to write this under the pseudonym of Ironic Iyengar because the real Iyengar is an insufferable relative who threatens to embarrass the author in the next family get-together if he did not publish this on International Men’s Day, 19th November 2019. The author apologizes for hurting any sentiments. When he resisted, Ironic Iyengar said, “All woke people must go to sleep. Only then they can be early to bed and early to rise!”
November 19, 2019, is International Men’s Day, or as some people call it Every Day. Some people called women. You know women, right? The heartbreakers, the homemakers, the sandwich makers, the tellers not doers, and the list never ends. Just like their complaints. Am I right? Yes, I am.
The first International Men’s Day was celebrated in 1990. But, the first International Women’s Day was celebrated in 1910. This is the very definition of chivalry - ladies first. But, of course, it has taken them so many years to get empowered and come to the forefront. Hence proving that women take such a long time to get ready. These are just facts. Don’t blame me for wrongly stereotyping women.
International Men’s Day is about upholding six pillars. Pillars, because we are all about holding up phallic objects as proof of manliness.
Pillar No. 1 – Men’s and Boys’ Health
This is an extremely important pillar. The health of men and boys is constantly at risk. Due to our never say no attitude and extroverted sportsmanship, we are perpetually exposed to the elements. We must spread awareness regarding personal health and hygiene. Only if men and boys are healthy, can we take care of women and girls.
Pillar No. 2 – Improving Gender Relations
It is a well-known fact that men and boys have always found it difficult to develop relations with the opposite gender. We often feel shy and walk many miles before we can indicate our interest in someone. Youngsters these days call it stalking. In our times, it was called taking necessary steps, quite literally. To overcome this, we must organize campaigns and educational drives to help us improve gender relations.
Pillar No. 3 – Promoting Gender Equality
Gender equality is an important topic in today’s world. We must agree that all genders are equal. Men are equal to other men. Women are equal to other women. Yes, we are all humans. But, that does not make us equals. Much like mineral water and distilled water. Just because both are water, we cannot consume all transparent liquids.
Pillar No. 4 – Highlighting Discrimination Against Men
While it may seem trivial, discrimination against men is a real issue. Pubs have ladies night, where girls are given free alcohol. But, do they have gentlemen’s night where boys are allowed stag entry and given free shots? No. Even on ladies night, it is the man who is the DJ. Where is the gender equality now? Why are there no female bouncers? These issues must be addressed.
Pillar No. 5 – Promoting Male Role Models
We must at once stop making fun of Donald Trump and Rahul Gandhi. These are male role models. One is the leader of the free world. The other is the leader of free hugs. We must not be poking fun and making these memes. So what if Trump has small hands? He has a big tower. So what if Rahul Gandhi didn’t become prime minister? There are already enough PMs in his family tree.
Pillar No. 6 – Ashok Pillar
From the airport, go towards Kathipara Flyover. Cross Olympia Tech Park and Hilton on your left and continue straight till the road ends in a T junction. Turn right and pass Kasi Theater on the right. You have arrived at Ashok Pillar.
For the longest time, men have been blamed for wanting to keep women in the kitchen. That assumption is furthest from the truth. Not just the kitchen. Anywhere in the house would do. As long as they stay away from open windows, the terrace, the balcony, and any other ventilated area where they can breathe fresh air. Fresh air is harmful. Just ask Delhi. We are always looking out for women’s safety. If they breathe polluted air, they will have health problems. If they have health problems, then we will have to take them to a doctor, pay fees, spend money on medicine, and go for a second opinion because the first one was a lady doctor. Meanwhile, there’s nobody in the kitchen. So, who am I supposed to ask to make me a sandwich? I cannot go do it myself. I am too busy reading the newspaper for the fifth time. That’s what men do. We save money, we save lives, and we save ourselves the effort of getting up and doing things. We do enough work in the office. Home is for relaxation. I already have a boss in the office, so when I come home, I am the boss. That’s why I call it the home office. That’s why when my better half said she wants to go to the office and work, I told her there is plenty to do in the house already. After all, it is the home office. I was funny, but she wasn’t laughing.