10 things you should never talk about on a first date
Marriage plans, family issues, bedroom preferences — there are some things you should know never to say on a first date.
First dates can be wonderful, awkward, exciting, nerve-wracking and a host of other emotions. Have you ever been on one that went from bad to worse? It probably had nothing to do with the restaurant you chose to eat at and everything to do with the fact that the things your date talked about were less than appropriate — or sometimes even offensive. If you've got a first date coming up, steer clear of these conversation topics — for now — so that your outing can be flirty and fun instead of dark and gloomy.
1. Longtime crushes or your ex
Nobody needs to hear about your office crush or an ex on the very first date. "While it's perfectly normal to have a long-time crush on someone that's always in the back of your mind as a potential dating prospect, it's best to keep their name to yourself while on a date with someone new," says Dr Upasana Ghosh, a certified relationship expert from Kolkata. Moreover, Dr Ghosh notes that even when you're in a committed relationship, it's still not always okay to talk about ex-partners. So "bringing them up on a first date won't go over so well, either."
2. Family issues
It's more than okay to have family issues or problems, but the first time going out with someone isn't usually the time or place to bring it up. While you always want to be honest with someone you can see yourself in a relationship with, first dates should be fun and light, says Dr Ghosh.
3. Bedroom preferences
Honesty is always the best policy, especially when it comes to speaking with a potential partner. But, unless you're only interested in hooking up with your date — which is fine — you should hold off on sharing your bedroom preferences with them until you reach a more intimate stage. "Even if sex does come up during conversation on the first date, you don't need to explain your sexual health or preferences, until you're both ready," says Dr Ghosh.
4. Financial woes
The same goes for all financial matters. If your savings account currently matches your age or you're struggling to get your finances in order, letting your date know during your first date can make things awkward, especially when the bill comes.
5. Your future together
If first dates could come equipped with a warning sign, talking about your timeline to have kids, get married, or even spend the future with the person you just started seeing would definitely set it off — big time. "Wait until you're in an established, romantic relationship to bring these topics up," suggests Dr Ghosh.
6. Embarrassing drunk stories
If you've had a few unruly, alcohol-induced nights out with friends — and honestly, who hasn't? — the funny stories are probably best kept a secret for now. Your date might not find your drunken encounters as cute or funny as you remember them.
7. Just yourself
"A first date is all about sharing who you are with the new person you're seeing, but make sure the conversation is even on both sides," says Dr Ghosh. You need to learn who the other person is, too, and not spend the entire time talking about yourself, she says.
8. Weird habits
Word vomit happens to the best of us. Just try your best to refrain from talking about certain topics when you're nervous, like any weird or strange habits you might have. If the other person sticks around, those will definitely come out later.
"What are your hobbies?" is such an impersonal, stilted question that it should be asked only during a job interview. "For a first date, you’ll get a better response if you ask 'What do you like to do on the weekends?' or 'What do you do after work?," says Dr Ghosh.
10. Being single
This is probably the most awkward question to ask on a first date: “Why are you single?" Although there is a nugget of flattery in the query — because you’re implying that the person is really a catch — the overall effect could be negative. "A dater is much more likely to interpret it as 'What’s wrong with you?'" says Dr Ghosh.