Does living together before marriage kill the excitement? Couples react to Deepika Padukone's comment
Deepika Padukone waited until marriage to live with Ranveer Singh. A choice the Bollywood star says was "the best decision" of their lives. But there could be some perks about living with your future spouse. Real-life couples share the benefits of living together before marriage.
Deepika Padukone and longtime partner Ranveer Singh celebrate their first wedding anniversary in less than a month. Last year, on November 14-15, the Padmaavat stars got married in two distinct wedding ceremonies in Lake Como, Italy. In a recent magazine cover shoot with Harper's Bazaar US, Padukone opened up about her relationship with her now-husband, sharing that although the couple dated for six years before tying the knot, they waited until after their wedding to live together — a choice Padukone says was "the best decision" of their lives.
"If we had started living together earlier, then what would we be discovering later on?" Deepika Padukone said in her Harper's Bazaar US interview. "That's what this year has been — living together and discovering each other. I like to say we made the best decision of our lives. I know people are cynical about marriage, but that hasn't been our experience. We believe in the institution, and we're enjoying every bit of it."
However, unlike Deepika Padukone and Ranveer Singh, for a few real-life couples, living together before marriage was an essential step in their relationship. Sharing a space allowed them to confirm just how compatible they were, and knowing that made marriage feel less like a scary change and more like an amazing inevitability.
"Living-in is one way to find out if you and your partner can co-exist in a shared space and have a relationship that will last a lifetime," says Mumbai-based event planner Shruti Punjabi. She married businessman Sayan Bagchi in 2016, after a year of them living together. Punjabi explains many couples don’t realise that a marriage is fairly mundane; living together before marriage will give you a chance to try it out before you seal the deal.
"A lot of everyday life is pretty boring, and while living with the person you love will give you someone to be bored with, it’s not a cure-all. Living together before you tie the knot will prepare you for the less-than-exciting moments, so they won’t take you by surprise," says Punjabi.
Once upon a time, living with your significant other before getting married was considered a taboo. Of course, it’s not for everyone, however, nowadays, it's less of a taboo. Whether you're doing it to take your relationship to the "next level" or simply to lessen the burden of outrageous rent, moving in with your significant other is kind of a big deal. Not only are you agreeing to see each other's faces every single day, but you'll also have to tackle the challenge of cramming all your stuff into one space and work through your moods, anxiety, and needs alongside your partner.
In addition to having your partner around 24/7, there are some pretty fun perks about living with your future spouse. We spoke to a few couples, who shared the benefits of living together before you tie the knot:
You’ll find out if your living habits are compatible.
This is probably the first benefit that came to mind when Shruti Punjabi and her partner, Sayan Bagchi, started thinking about moving in together. According to her, it’s really a practice run for a lifetime of living together, without the major commitment or legal documents. "You'll find out how tolerant you can be, as well as how upset you each get at your various differences. If you’re a total neat freak and your partner isn’t quite so bothered by things piling up here, sharing a living space can help you figure out how to make it work and whether the two of you can handle it," says Punjabi.
Your lifestyle habits extend past your waking hours, though, and living together also means learning to sleep together. "You can learn to balance and adapt to each other's sleep schedules," says Bagchi, adding, "You can start to figure out options for handling your differences and needs."
You’ll learn to share chores and responsibilities.
Even if you’re not legally married, sharing a home means you’ll be divvying up the chores, taking turns running errands, and learning to work together to manage the budget. "Doing so before you tie the knot will give you more time to problem solve and collaborate to find a fair balance," says Punjabi.
You’ll gain insight into one another’s sexual appetites.
"You have the opportunity to see what your sexual appetites are once you're together all the time. When you live together, you're able to be sexually intimate whenever you like. You'll get to know each other's level of desire and find a balance in terms of frequency so you can both feel good about your sexual life together," says Bangalore-based IT professional Abhimanyu Singh, who married interior designer Tanya Juthani in 2013, after three years of living-in.
Of course, those first few weeks of living together are definitely a honeymoon phase, so enjoy it while it happens, and then start a conversation with your partner about both of your needs once that fire turns into a steady smoulder, suggests the couple.
You’ll get a first-hand look at your partner's spending habits.
Yes, you’ll be saving money by only paying for one home, but you’ll also get a better sense of how your partner spends his or her cash. Says Juthani, "Our spending habits never seemed to be an issue when you were dating, but living together brings money to the forefront." You’ll have to negotiate who pays for what (like dinners out or groceries), how you’ll cover the bills, and how you both feel about discretionary spending, she says.
One of you might have a hefty savings account, while the other may plan their spending around whatever is left over after the bills are paid. "Learning about each other's money habits and values often happen when you live together," says Juthani. "This is invaluable information. You can talk to one another about any debts you have, from car payments and student loans (not so bad) to major credit card bills that need to be paid (not so good)," she adds.
Meanwhile, Singh shares that the closer you can get to similar, stable spending and saving habits, the better. "You’ll be better equipped to cover unexpected expenses or pay off debts, and will know whether you can really afford that second honeymoon you’ve been dreaming about," he says.