How to get over a breakup? 9 relationship tips for moving on
There's no way to sugar-coat it; break-ups are rough, even when handled with compassion. Here are the nine things you should not feel bad about doing after a breakup.
Breakups are horrible. There are no rules for how to navigate the end of a relationship, and even if you're the one who decided to call it quits, it can still hurt. While it's true that not every breakup turns into a total breakdown, some of them are definitely tougher to deal with than others. And in the aftermath of a split, the very least you can do is cut yourself a little slack. You can wallow, eat ice cream, and feel sad and weird. It's all part of mourning what once was, and moving on. So, if you're in the middle of a rough one right now, read on for a few reminders of things you should not feel bad about doing, while you work your way through heartbreak.
1. Avoiding your usual scene
Were you and your partner a pair of social butterflies? If so, your breakup might leave you wanting to crawl back into your cocoon, where you can avoid all of those "Where is so-and-so?" questions until the memory of them has faded from your friend group. On the flip side, if you were already the homebody type, but now sitting solo on your home is a little too much to handle, it's perfectly okay to go out and paint the town red, says Dr Upasana Ghosh, a certified relationship expert from Kolkata. "Sometimes a break from routine is exactly what you need to shake off the blues after a relationship ends," she explains.
2. Open up to your friends
"Your friends want to be there for you. That's the point of having friends. You've been there for them in the past and you'll be there for them in the future, so talk to them. Don't feel bad about calling every single one of them up to tell them all the same details, either," says Dr Ghosh. But if you do happen to get to the point where you can't handle the attention, that's what your therapist is for, she adds.
3. Indulging in comfort food
This is not the time to be counting calories. If having cheese, fries, and chocolate brownies for dinner every night for a week makes you feel even the tiniest bit better, you go ahead and indulge in all of that goodness; let's not forget that chocolate is scientifically proven to put you in a better mood.
4. Crying your eyes out
It's okay to cry. And just when you think you're all cried out, if a sentimental scene in your favourite movie pulls on just the right heartstring, it's okay to cry some more. "Let those emotions out, so they can be felt, and then they can be gone," says Dr Ghosh.
5. Missing your ex
Let's face it, the two of you had some good times together. If you didn't, dealing with this breakup wouldn't be such a thing right now. "Don't beat yourself up if you find yourself thinking back fondly on the fun times. It's totally acceptable to miss your ex, while you figure out how to be on your own again. Just remember, this too shall pass," says Mumbai-based clinical psychologist, Dr Shilpa Aggarwal.
6. Blocking your ex everywhere you can
While you're feeling all of your feelings, the sight of your ex's face might make you cringe, or worse. For this reason, we can be thankful that social media has graced us with the "block" button. The ability to virtually erase people might just be the best thing for you right now, suggests Dr Aggarwal. "Don't give it a second thought if you feel the need to take it a step further by blocking your ex's phone calls," she suggests. When it's over, it's over, and nobody has time for a 2 a.m. "I miss you" message that really doesn't mean a thing in the light of day. Now, if you happen to live near or work with your ex, and are therefore forced to see that person, that's a different (and quite unfortunate) story, says Dr Aggarwal. In that case, maybe you could try becoming more thick-skinned or move places or find a new job?
7. Going on a social media hiatus
In the best of times, social media can feel like a full-time job. However, if, while you're nursing your wounded heart, you'd rather sit out from the Instagram and Facebook scene entirely, feel free to keep the details of your every waking moment to yourself for now. "We know the internet loves it when we overshare, but someone else can do that while you're on the mend," says Dr Aggarwal.
8. Having mixed feelings about the breakup
If at one moment you feel fabulous, like you're ready to take on the world and meet new people, that's fantastic. But if that feeling passes a little too quickly and you actually find yourself lying in bed on a weekend watching sappy movies, that's fine, too. "It's probably going to be a bit of a roller-coaster as you process the end of something that you once thought was great, so just go with it and do what feels right in the moment," says Dr Aggarwal.
9. Finally letting go
The last thing you should never feel bad about while going through a breakup is that moment when you're finally ready to move on. "After you've done all the hard work to process your feelings and learned the appropriate life lessons, being able to let go is a beautiful thing. When that moment comes, embrace it without a shred of guilt," says Dr Aggarwal.