How to make someone fall in love with you, according to science
You can take a cue from studies and potentially up your chances of developing a romantic relationship. And if you are already in a serious relationship that's starting to fizzle out, then you’ll want to check out the other tips ahead to help you revive your relationship.
Yes, you can’t "make” someone fall in love with you. The feelings are either there or they aren’t. However, there are some scientific studies out there that explain how certain techniques or behaviours can actually increase your chances of falling in love with somebody. So, no, you can’t cast a spell on him or her. But you can take a cue from these researches and potentially up your chances of developing romantic feelings. After all, science knows best.
Play hard to get
In a dream world, you could approach your crush, declare your love for them, and receive an honest appraisal of their feelings in return. But, unfortunately, things are never that simple in real life. That’s why people play games; specifically, they play hard to get. According to the "scarcity principle" invented by psychologist and author Robert Cialdini, objects that are rare, unique, or limited in time will make people desire them more. In one study of college students, four women were shown pictures of men they were told either liked them "a lot," "an average amount," or who "were uncertain of their feelings," and then we’re asked to rate how attractive they found each photo. If you guessed that they found the "uncertain of their feelings" guys the most attractive, you’d be correct.
Bond over an adrenaline rush
In 1973, a study found a connection between adrenaline rushes and sexual attraction. Test subjects were put in a scary situation (a shaky bridge), and then had to rate their feelings toward other participants. Compared to the control group who were on a safe, non-rickety bridge, the people who thought their lives were in danger were much more attracted to their fellow test subject. Now, don’t go finding a rickety bridge to stand on with your crush. But a roller-coaster date might be a perfect (and much safer) choice.
Notice what hobbies and interests they have
While it’s a romantic notion that opposites attract, science tells us that people tend to fall in love with those who are very similar to themselves. Studies have linked similar backgrounds and similar levels of physical attractiveness to the process of falling in love. So while it’s a terrible idea to try to change yourself in order to have more in common with or please somebody else, if your crush is, say, a big GoT fan, and you’ve always been curious about watching that show, perhaps it’s time to finally figure out what everyone means when they quote "Winter is coming."
Make googly eyes
We’ve all heard that "eyes are the windows to the soul." So, never underestimate the power of eye contact. According to a 1989 study, participants who exchanged mutual and unbroken eye contact for two minutes reported increased feelings of passion for each other, even if they were total strangers.
Try the "36 questions"
If you are friendly with the person you have your heart set on, why not try the "36 questions" made famous by Mandy Len Catron’s modern love essay in the New York Times. In the 2015 piece, she describes love researcher Arthur Aron’s 1967 study of interpersonal closeness that resulted in 36 questions that can make anyone, even two strangers, supposedly fall in love.
Moreover, you can also fall in love with your significant other again and again. If you’re feeling distant from your partner, you might think that putting on a sexy dress is a good way to get his or her attention. And that might work — but there are many other ways to bring back the passion from the early days of your relationship. If you just don’t feel the same level of intimacy or excitement with your partner that you once did, here are some steps you can take to feel closer to your partner, increase your physical attraction, as well as, your emotional bond: All backed by science.
Take a vacation
If work and family obligations have forced you and your partner to put your love life on the back burner, schedule some time off from your regular responsibilities. Getting away might help you focus on each other, but even a staycation or a long weekend at home — if you treat it right — can be enough to refresh your bond, suggests a 2013 study commissioned by the US Travel Association.
Sleep closer together
Sleeping skin-to-skin, whether spooning or even just touching toes, can have relationship benefits. A 2014 study presented at the Edinburgh International Science Festival found that couples who slept closest to each other reported having more relationship satisfaction.
Locking lips can play an important role in the quality of a long-term relationship, according to a 2013 study from Oxford University. In fact, researchers found that frequent kissing was even more important to relationship satisfaction than frequent sex.
Go on double dates
You don’t need to spend all of your couple time one-on-one. In fact, inviting friends along once in a while can help you and your partner reaffirm your love for each other. In a 2014 Wayne State University study, people who went on double dates with other couples they were close with said they felt more affection and romantic feelings toward their partners. It turns out that watching your other half interact with friends can help you remember what you love about him or her.
If you haven’t put your relationship on a technology diet — cut out mobile phones and TV during meals and in the bedroom — yet, it is time to do it. Nothing is killing communication faster right now than men and women starting at their mobile phones, while their partner is trying to talk to them at the dinner table. In a 2014 Brigham Young University study of heterosexual women, 70% respondents felt that smartphones and other devices were interfering with their love lives.